Things I Can Never Do Again.

The other day when I was driving down a street, I came across a tiny storefront window with a glowing neon light that read, in red, “ESP PALM READINGS! ” At first it took me back to a pre -Halloween celebration many years back long before the birth of my third son, where a woman whom appeared more witch than mortal drew me into her little shop for a palm reading. She foretold a vague and general future for me good wishes, everything I hoped for more or less.

I smiled at that memory and then it hit me, I could never, ever have my palm read, future foretold, crystal ball gazed upon or tarot cards analyzed again.I cannot have anyone “gifted with the art of seeing ” tell me what the future (or lack thereof) awaits me. I could not bare to hear the possibility of a future that has no future. I chose to live in the dark with that knowledge.

Funny thing though, soon after diagnosis I read a fortune in a cookie that truly was pertinent to me at that time, and since then, I have read three more that ironically have said the right thing at the right time too.

Technically, I don’t really believe in any of this stuff, but really when we hear what we want to hear, or need to hear we embrace it, and when it is the opposite, we shun it. Personally I no longer desire to, well, tempt fate.

And so all this has led me to think about all the things I can no longer do since a diagnosis of cancer:

I can no longer….

Have my future foretold

Smoke a cigarette

Play the lottery (because there is only one lottery I can win, and I choose to believe I have all ready won it)

Eat charred food

Drink heavily and regularly

Take life for granted

Pass up a beautiful sky, full moon, breath taking view

Not exercise

Skip a mammogram

Go years and years without seeing a doctor

Not wear sunscreen

Care about crappy people or what they think of me

Not Give full attention to my children’s needs

Let a day go by without telling my children I love them

Not Wake up an appreciate every morning

Give up or give in

And more

Any things that you can no longer do